before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
