She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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