She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
