dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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