i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
