Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have aggressive nipples.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
