he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
