Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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