watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
