Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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