I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
