6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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