Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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