Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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