Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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