You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just threw up on my dentist
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Loading more great texts...