2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
