Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
