You made me cry and you don't even care
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
