you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize