I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
