So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Who died my cat blue again?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
