If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
