well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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