I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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