My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
