you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he was CRYING into my vagina
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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