apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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