why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize