Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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