you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
don't judge my taste in strippers
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
