Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
