Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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