He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
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I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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