i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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