Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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