I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
