Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
