I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize