but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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