Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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