Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
