went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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