Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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