well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
