brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
this boner is exhausting
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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