New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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