we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
