I wish I only lived at night.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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