I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Don't make out with my wife yet
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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