Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
