dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
