We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
