There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
