are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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