I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Send us your Text From Last Night!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
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