God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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