I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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