She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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