Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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