I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
