he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
