hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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