I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
