Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
