I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
