I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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