Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
