Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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