i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
