The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
