It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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