i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
