Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
