i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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