and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
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I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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