I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
