happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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