she was so not down for the gang bang
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
