remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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