Your mouth is God's brothel.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
