I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
