So drunk its hurt
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
