My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
